Today’s book review is about not judging a book by its cover. I remember the first time I read about Jackie Kai Ellis and thinking “Wow, she has such a great life!”. Founder of the successful Beaucoup Bakery and The Paris Tours, Jackie seemed to have it all – living between Vancouver and Paris, a life that many of us might dream about. In fact, her life wasn’t so glamorous and great. In the years leading up to these successes, though (and even through them), Jackie suffered a great deal with self-esteem issues and depression and her recently-published memoir The Measure of My Powers gives us a glimpse inside the reality of the life behind the closed doors that went alongside all the glamour and glitz.
From the publisher:
On the surface, Jackie Kai Ellis’s life was the one that she and every woman wanted. She was in her late twenties and married to a handsome man, she had a successful career as a designer, and she had a beautiful home. But instead of feeling fulfilled, happy, and loved, each morning she’d wake up dreading the day ahead, searching for a way out. Depression clouded every moment, the feelings of inadequacy that had begun in childhood now consumed her, and her marriage was slowly transforming into one between strangers–unfamiliar, childless, and empty. In the darkness, she could only find one source of light: the kitchen. It was the place where Jackie escaped, finding peace, comfort, and acceptance.
This is the story of one woman’s journey to find herself. Armed with nothing but a love of food and the words of the 20th-century food writer M.F.K. Fisher, she travels from France to Italy, then the Congo, and back again. Along the way, she goes to pastry school in Paris, eats the most perfect apricots over the Tuscan hills, watches a family of gorillas grazing deep in the Congolese brush, has her heart broken one last time on a bridge in Lyon, and, ultimately, finds a path to life and joy.
So, yeah, all is never as it might seem… This book is a bit of a dark read – it’s not your usual “sad person travels to Paris, finds love/ a career and lives happily ever after” kind of memoir – the subtitle (A Memoir of Food, Misery and Paris) should be a bit of a hint there). It’s more a coming-of-age story of a woman struggling to come to terms with who she is and her place in the world.
Through the course of the book, we come to learn that Jackie’s seemingly perfect marriage is fraught with unhappiness (and I came to really, really dislike “G” her ex-husband) and reading about her marriage will make you squirm in your seat. It’s not a comfortable read. Your heart will go out to Jackie, though, as you can see it’s not just as simple as getting up and leaving. There is a myriad of issues that contribute to her failing marriage, even beyond “G”‘s treatment of her and the book is an exploration of those and Jackie’s journey to overcome her demons (many of which have been with her since childhood). A huge part of her recovery journey has to do with discovering her passion for food, something she starts to love as a child and growing up but which really starts to resonate and become more meaningful as her world falls apart.
The book travels back and forth in time so it’s a good book to read in one sitting because you get a feel for the whole timeline (so, a flight to Australia was the perfect time to read this!) but when I went back to re-read a second time, I found it a little challenging to follow the timeline because it jumps around in time so much. I guess this is a reflection of what Jackie’s journey was like, but as a reader, I found it unsettling (perhaps, this is the point?).
This is definitely not a “feel good” read in the traditional sense, though the end of the book is more hopeful. It’s uncomfortable (there are parts of the book you would turn away from the screen if it was a film), it’s raw, it’s downright sad in many parts. Jackie is an evocative writer, though and you find yourself drawn in by the need to see her work through the dark times learn to value herself for who she is. It is a book to make you think.
Each chapter in the book is accompanied by a recipe which was pivotal in the different parts of Jackie’s life described in the book. Some are super simple (scrambled eggs on toast) while others are not (the pork and chive dumpling recipe makes 300! and the croissant recipe is really a testament to Jackie’s perfectionist side – it’s the result of years of research and practice – but not one I imagine many home bakers might attempt – it’s 8 pages and 3 days’ worth of work!) but the recipe that resonated with me the most was the chocolate chip cookie. Jackie describes, very early on in the book that as she struggled with depression, she tried to find a few things every day that would make her smile and savouring a chocolate chip cookie after lunch was one of those things.
I was kindly sent some of the ingredients to make Jackie’s famous chocolate chip cookies and they did not disappoint… I’ve made some good chocolate chip cookies in my time and these are definitely up there in the top 10. Luckily I’m allowed to share (the recipe)!
This recipe makes HUGE cookies (but they are flat so not as big as you initially think and you definitely won’t want to share one!)
This recipe has been adapted from the well-known recipe from the New York Times. I had tried many recipes obsessively over the years and narrowed them down to three favorites: this is one I still make often when I want an ooey gooey cookie that is chewy in the center with crisp, caramelized edges. Excerpted from The Measure of My Powers by Jackie Kai Ellis. Copyright © 2018 JKE Media Inc. Published by Appetite by Random House, a division of Penguin Random House Canada Limited. Reproduced by arrangement with the Publisher. All rights reserved. A note on the uses of the salt: This recipe makes more than you might need for the cookies, but I like to keep some on hand at all times. Vanilla salt is perfect for finishing dishes like seared scallops or on almost any kind of sweet such as brownies, cakes, cookies, and caramel ice cream. As an Amazon Associate and member of other affiliate programs, I earn from qualifying purchases.Chocolate Chip Cookies
Ingredients
For the vanilla Maldon salt
For the cookies:
Instructions
Make the vanilla Maldon salt:
Make the cookies:
Cover the dough with plastic wrap or place in an airtight container, and then refrigerate it for 48 hours. Aging the dough melds the flavors and creates nutty caramel notes that won’t develop otherwise.
Remove the dough from the refrigerator about 30 minutes before scooping to soften it slightly.Notes
A note on measurements: I have given measurements here in both volume and weight. However, I find I get the most consistent results using weight. A kitchen scale is reasonably affordable and you will find that it makes baking and cleanup much faster and easier.
A note on the chocolate: While it is harder to find fèves (discs of chocolate) than chocolate chips, there is a distinct difference in the resulting cookie— the chocolate layers in the cookie in a way that does not quite happen with regular chocolate chips.Recommended Products
Buy The Measure of my Powers for yourself on Amazon (this link should bring you to the Amazon store in your country) or for free worldwide shipping, buy from The Book Depository.
Please note: I am a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. This post also contains affiliate links from The Book Depository. This means that if you click over and purchase something, I will receive a very small percentage of the purchase price (at no extra cost to you). Thank you in advance!
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Disclosure: I received a copy of The Measure of my Powers from the publisher for review purposes. I was not asked to write about the book, nor am I being compensated for doing so. All opinions 100% my own.
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The secret to this recipe, which is adapted from a Jacques Torres recipe is aging the dough and the salt. Do not skip either step. Other than that you can adapt the recipe anyway you please and wind up with a divine cookie. Mardi is correct. This will become a permanent go to chocolate chip cookie recipie. A few of my additions have been white chocolate chunks, dried cherries and toffee bits.
Yes the aging process is painful (because who doesn’t want to eat them as soon as you mix up the dough?) but worth it. My mum has a whole tray of these portioned and ready to bake in her freezer and I think they will be amazing!
I am intriguiged. Sounds like an exciting book and a must read.
Jackie has led QUITE the life, yes!
I’ve got this on my ‘to read’ list and I’m intrigued by your description of the book’s structure. I love memoirs that weave in food memories and recipes, even (or maybe especially) when the experiences are difficult.
I’ve seen Jackie Kai Ellis speak and it’s clear she’s come through her experiences with gravitas, wisdom and kindness.